Fight the flab

I woke up this morning and took a long look in the mirror... boy, am I out of shape; Apart from the occasional short jog I'm getting no exercise at all. I've been spending way too much time lounging around watching Big Brother on TV.

Shocked by the reflection of flabbiness that confronted me, I decided I'd get myself an exercise video to help trim my waistline a little - turn my bread bin stomach into a nice washboard. But which video should I buy?

It's all so confusing - all those different 'celebrities' in leotards.. should I choose Jane Fonda, Jade Goody, Anthea Turner, Davina, Lorraine Kelly, Mr Motivator or Venessa Feltz? A good East End workout with Patsy Palmer sounds like it might be fun? Right... Pilates, Boxercise or Aerobicide? Phew, I just get worn out thinking about it!

Hold on a second, I've already got a fitness video I can use. Let's see, clear a space on the floor in front of the TV, put this VHS tape in and let's go...

Yes, it's B-Movie Scream Queen Linnea Quigley!


'First of all, it's important to wear comfortable clothes when you exercise. A metal studded bra and fishnet stockings may not be your first choice... but face it, would you want to watch me workout in a baggy sweatsuit?'


A few simple stretches to start...


And now it's getting much harder.

And relax.

See the lovely Linnea perform the Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws in the classic trash movie Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers