We Love Martin Jol

I have seen football future...

I have travelled forward in time (and back again) using the Big Brother Time Machine. The final standing of the Premier League at the end of season 2007/2008 will be as follows:

01 Manchester United
02 Liverpool
03 Chelsea
04 Tottenham Hotspur
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05 Arsenal
06 Portsmouth
07 West Ham United
08 Everton
09 Blackburn Rovers
10 Newcastle United
11 Sunderland
12 Bolton Wanderers
13 Aston Villa
14 Fulham
15 Derby County
16 Reading
17 Birmingham City
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18 Manchester City
19 Middlesbrough
20 Wigan Athletic

All three promoted teams to stay up.

The whole kit and caboodle

OK loyal Spurs fans, we're not actually sure of qualifying for the UEFA Cup yet but here are not one, not two, not three but FOUR new kits you can buy to wear next season anyway...


I must say that I do like the look of them. I might even buy one of the shirts, although the last one I bought, 16 years ago and made from some non-degradable poly substance, is still as good as new.

The official reason for all these new kits is "to celebrate the 125th year of the club". Great, but wouldn't one shirt or a badge have been sufficient? I guess not. The real motive is to make money. Lots of money. Apparently, the logo of the Club's sponsor will appear in Mandarin Chinese script on the away and the third kits!

"The Club has always enjoyed massive international support and it is a mark of the Club's tradition and success that we can now look to broaden our appeal in markets such as China". It sounds like a waste of time if you ask me - they're all wearing Man Utd kit already. Besides, I'm not sure the Chinese scripted shirts will prove to be very popular if taken on another pre-season tour to Korea!

He's got no hair and we don't care

Thank you to everyone at Tottenham Hotspur for sending me a birthday card! What do you mean 'they send one to every club member'? Well OK it's a few days late and I may have indirectly paid for it but it's a nice touch.

The card appears to have been 'signed' by Martin Jol and someone else. Who could it be? Club Captain Ledley King I guess.
I wonder if other clubs do the same thing? This morning excited young West Ham fans might have opened their cards only to find that they have been signed by Alan Pardew and Nigel Reo-Coker.

It's a fowl Ref!

There is no doubt in my mind that the poor form shown by Tottenham Hotspur so far this season is due to friction in the camp. This unrest is
caused by the pseudo Chirpy that terrorises home games.

The good old friendly Chirpy (pictured) has been replaced by an evil looking imposter. It's hard to find a photo of this new scary looking creature. The navy blue headed thing pretends to warm up with the team before games but I'm sure it's really looking to see which Ball Boy it can sink it's talons into after the final whistle.

So the old Chirpy has a white head and can't save half time penalties, so what? Bring him back now!


Hundreds of fans feel the same way as me. I've just found an online petition. Please sign it and help bring the real Chirpy back to White Hart Lane.

Thank You.

Bring back Chirpy Petition

It's all going to kick off

The new Premiership season starts today. Already? It's seems like the World Cup was only a couple of months ago...

England's 'performance' in Germany was so dire that I'm still feeling a little jaded where football is concerned. This malaise however will soon pass at Tottenham Hotspur's first home game on Tuesday; When I hear 'In goal, Number 1, Paul Robinson' booming out over the White Hart Lane PA my enthusiasm will return. Life will, for the moment, be great again; Defoe! Keane! Berbatov! Zakora!
C'MON YOU LILLYWHITES!

This morning all teams are, of course, equal on points so fans everywhere will be feeling optimistic about their club's chances in season ahead. Come the end of September though expect reality to sink in. Most fans will by then be slagging off their Managers, followed closely by their players. It's all part of the fun of being a 'supporter' - you can express all of your frustrations about life and direct them at, for example, Emile Heskey, Christiano Ronaldo or Paul Stalteri. I say Paul Stalteri sadly because I know that the bloke who always sits behind me will hurl expletives at him within five minutes of every kick off. Personally I try to provide encouragement towards players of my team no matter how bad they might be. I save any insults for the opposition. I tend to offer the odd pantomine boo.

So who will win the league this season? My tea leaves tell me it is going to be Liverpool. They've bought well in the pre-season transfer window. The addition of a taff and a ginger guy provides their squad with the ability and strength to overpower Chelsea this year. At the bottom end of the table, Aston Villa, Fulham and Watford will be relegated. How will my team Tottenham Hotspur fare? I think they will struggle playing away but will always be good at Gnome games.

Supporting West Ham can be bad for your Elf

Premiership 2006-2007 Predictions

The fixture list for next season has just been published.
How will your team fare? Crystal balls in hand, I predict...

Arsenal is strategy game very similar to command & conquer
Aston Villa is getting more than a bit tiresome
Blackburn Rovers is not going to happen
Bolton Wanderers is being linked to a move to Tottenham
Charlton is easy if you have a map
Chelsea is a 3 and a half year old female located in Plymouth
Everton is a hard place to come
Fulham is sadly closing shortly
Liverpool is thrown out by high court judge
Man City is the best laxative you can take
Man Utd is to be a criminal offense
Middlesborough is bloody miles away
Newcastle is pork
Portsmouth is closing its doors
Reading is not a natural process
Sheffield United is in doubt following a freak injury sustained at home
Tottenham Hotspur is a cockerel and I need it to be a fighting cockerel
Watford is a small town with "big issues"
West Ham is being hit by giant hammer
Wigan is about to capture some of this continental magic with proposals for it's own farmer's market the monthly event will be a welcome boost for crisis

courtesy of Googlism

World Cup 2006 Extravaganza

Thursday evening, it was Engerland vs Trinidad & Tobago in a World Cup group stage match. I traveled north with Musty MC up to booming Kentish Town. A special footy night was due at the Bull and Gate, a knackered old pub with grumpy old bar staff. The B&G is also however a rock venue. Acts as famous as Keane, British Sea Power and Scrotum Clamp have played the stage of its small darkened back room.

It was a World Cup 2006 Extravaganza night, roughly timetabled as follows:

5pm: England v T&T (with bar snacks and half time Oranges), followed by bands Fractured and I, Ludicrous and then finally at 10pm: a rare performance from the one and only Frank Sidebottom.

It would have been hard to find a worse pub to watch the match in - no big screen plasmas to display the beauty of Gabby Yorath, just a few second hand sub 20 inchers. Still, the crowd banter and oranges made up for the poor viewing experience. The game itself was quite possibly the worst football match in the history of the world... ever! England were shite and didn't have a clue how to beat, with no disrespect to T&T, a side of useless nobodies. Owen Hargreaves wasn't playing so that's not an excuse. Owen, Beckham and Crouch are just not good enough and Lampard played like an over weight fat arse (no longer does he have 'marble buttocks').

After the game we popped out to Kentish Town's high road for some food and were spoilt for choice. A curry later we returned to catch an entertaining set of punk football rants from I, Ludicrous. Then came Timperley's favourite big Frank...

Frank has been quiet for a few years so it's good to see him back and hear that he is planning a new release. At this World Cup Extravaganza performance however he mostly stuck with his tried and tested classics. The crowd laughed and sang along with Zoo Scrapbook, Anarchy In Timperley, Timperley Sunset, Frank Gordon, The Robbins Aren't Bobbins and many many more. Add in Freddie Mecury and Elvis impressions and a guest appearance by his 'stupid stupid stupid' puppet Little Frank and we got a night of top ace entertainment.

Yes Frank is back. You know he is... he really is.

p.s. Little Frank is looking better than he has for a while

Boring Boring Chelsea

Well most pundits seem to think that Chelsea are running away with the Premiership already and are unstoppable. I'm inclined to agree. There's also a lot of criticism about how the games have become boring and that teams are cancelling each other out. Chelsea have even been given the old "Boring Boring" tag that used to belong to the pre-Wenger Arsenal. Chelsea are boring in the sense that, although superior to any opposition, they tend to only do what is necessary to win. They rarely get out of second gear and break into a sweat. As if to proudly claim this dubious accolade, Manager Jose Mourinho, interviewed in this week's Time Out London, says that his favourite musical artists include Pink Floyd, Bryan Adams, Phil Collins and Sting. Guilty as charged.