'The Ram' vs 'Maniac Miner'

A good weekend to go to the flicks. What film to see? I had two in mind, The Wrestler - critically acclaimed and something I'd been looking forward to for a while, or the no doubt soon to be critically shat upon, remake of a really bad film, My Bloody Valentine 3D!!! Choices, choices, choices.

Friday night, and I just had time to catch a late show. Always being a bit perverse in my decision making, I decided to plump for the film that was sure to be bad, but bad in 3D!!! Despite being certain, guaranteed, trash, My Bloody Valentine 3D was sold out. I couldn't get a ticket and, slightly disappointed, went in to see The Wrestler instead.

Of course, I really wanted to see The Wrestler anyway and sat down in a near empty screen 2 with a tub of Chunky Munkey. Low budget, and shot in parts almost like a reality documentary, you get skilfully drawn into the life of fading Wrestler Randy 'The Ram' Robinson. Mickey Rourke was made for the title role. He brings the required physical and emotional character strengths and weaknesses to the screen with such perfection that it's hard to believe he's not the real thing. Equally impressive are the rest of the cast - Marisa Tomei as his aging stripper friend, and his fellow (actual) wrestlers, who provide a real sense of community in the film.

After Director Darren Aronofsky's expensive 'flop', the love it or hate it (I loved it) The Fountain, The Wrestler is on the surface a dramatic change in style. No special effects, just the blood and sweat of the ring. But it is similar in that it's a slowly paced, moving look at aging, loss and the threat of growing old alone. Give Mickey the Oscar now!



So why was the screening for My Bloody Valentine 3D full whilst just a handful of people watched The Wrestler? Why would anyone want to see a remake of one of the poorest 80's slasher movies over seeing an acclaimed award winning feature? Easy. The idea of seeing a scary 3D movie on a Friday night out is more appealing to most youngsters than watching a movie about a sad old wrestler. Going out to the movies is for me mostly about being entertained, having a laugh, enjoying a thrill, escaping from the real world. And that is why I too was drawn to My Bloody Valentine.

Saturday night. Back to the multiplex and another late show...

This time I'd managed to get my ticket for MBV in advance and was ready to take in the whole popcorn experience - well almost, have you seen the price of popcorn! £3.25 for a small bag!! Outrageous. Anyway, into the packed cinema. A good trailer for the upcoming Friday The 13th remake/re-imagining, an ad with some guy pulling a rat out of his mouth after taking fake 'Internet pills', the mandatory Orange Mobile ad and then it was time to put on the 3D glasses...

Well, what can I say? My Bloody Valentine 3D was good fun and better than I'd expected. The script and cast, including genre veteran Tom (Night of The Creeps) Atkins, were above par for an American stalk 'n' slash. And hey, what's not to like about a gas mask wearing Maniac Miner swinging his pick axe into people's heads? And into the audience too! Once you got used to it the 3D was quite impressive. I'd seen the excellent animated Monster House a couple of years ago that used this 'REAL D' 3D process, and I'm pleasantly surprised at how well it comes over in a live action film.

So who won the bout? 'The Ram' or 'The Maniac Miner'. Two totally different films. Two different experiences. The Wrestler will rightly be considered a classic piece of moving making, but MBV 3D gains points for entertainment value. The result is too close to call. A score draw. Perhaps there'll be a rematch? The Wrestler 2 vs My Bloody Valentine 2 3D! Coming soon to a theatre near you...

Careful... this plate is really hot

Coming soon, the makers of the outrageous Pervert! will be delivering their latest payload...

Sex Galaxy - the world's first ever Green movie.


Film Threat Review - Prepare for blast off!

The best part of breaking up...

Are you looking a bit tired and drawn in the mirror lately? Is your hair falling out faster than normal? Are you wondering where that strange smell is coming from? Not seen any friends or neighbours for a few weeks?


I can feel your pain. Just don't start to worry unless you're finding yourself strangely attracted to your postman and have the desire to eat his insides and suck on his delicious brain.

Ever thought about having eye laser surgery but are too worried about what might go wrong? What happens if you squeal and move about when your eyelid is clamped tightly back and the burning starts?

Ever, like Gary Numan, been 'in a car crash, or was it the war?' and have 'never been quite the same'?

Ever watched countless horror movies and felt like being your own Dick Smith, Tom Savini or KNB?

Ever fancied being a Fangoria centerfold?
('My blood runs cold')

Try this Zombie Makeover.

Avenger Assemble !!!

Growing up as an avid Marvel comics reader (and member of FOOM) I'd never have thought that there would ever be an Iron Man movie. Why so? Well, the movie-making computer and camera technology required to make a man fly about in an Iron rocket suit just didn't exist, and let's face it Iron Man/Tony Stark was kinda boring compared to Captain America, Thor, Spidey, Hawkeye and the Hulk.


So what of the new movie? I Loved it. Director Jon Favreau and his team of writers and technicians have done a wonderful job distilling decades of Iron Man comic history into a sharp two hour origin story. It's got to be the ultimate 'Boys Toys' movie: Fast Cars, Humvees, Tanks, Fighter Jets, Missiles, astonishing computer gadgets and a rocket powered flying suit (or three)! The sort of stuff that would give Jeremy Clarkson wet dreams.

The cast is well chosen. Robert Downey Jr is perfect as Tony Stark, the heavy drinking, womanising, playboy genius weapons inventor who gains a conscience. And he's ably supported by Gwyneth Paltrow as his smart PA, 'Pepper' Potts. Strong acting aside, the film wouldn't have worked without a good realisation of the title character. The technical design of the evolving Iron Man suits is well thought out. Favreau and his writers skillfully weave a mix of science and science fiction to make the impossible believable.

To sum up, the film is 90% great; If I'm being picky I say it could have done with a better villain (e.g. The Mandarin) and it tails off a bit towards the end with the 'I've got a bigger suit and a deeper voice than you' battle. But forget these minor weaknesses - Iron Man is very good blockbusting entertainment, and I suspect the inevitable sequel will be very good Hulkbusting entertainment! Oh, and yes, this Marvel movie has the best Stan Lee cameo yet! 'Make Mine Marvel'.

p.s. For Avengers geeks: Don't, like I did, leave until after the end credits. Doh!

Calling All Geeks

The Sci-Fi-London Festival is back in town soon, running from April 30th to May the 4th (be with you). Of course it's not just for geeks. Nerds can go too. Oh, c'mon admit it, everyone has a bit of geeky nerd in them.

As always there's some interesting stuff going on - including the bizarre looking Dai-Nipponjin and Your Friendly Neighborhood Hero!

Bacon Sandwich. Hmmm... Bacon

Yeah, Kevin Bacon that is. Why is Kevin Bacon so popular? Well, firstly he's a very good, versatile actor and secondly I think people see in his performances a recognisable 'everyman' that they can associate with and feel empathy for. Last weekend I had the pleasure of sitting down and watching two of his recent films on DVD, the entertaining Death Sentence and the gripping The Woodsman...

Death Sentence (2007). Talented Saw Director James Wan is a busy man, last year he also wrote and directed the fun Ventriloquist Doll/Ghosthouse movie Dead Silence and managed to fit in his production duties on the Saw sequels.

For Death Sentence he has revamped the old Death Wish vigilante story for today's popcorn audience. Kevin Bacon plays Nick Hume, a hard working business and family man. Mr everyman. One night his life is ripped apart when one of his sons is killed by a gang holding up a gas station. Of course the scumbag who pulled the trigger doesn't get the justice that is deserved and a distraught Nick decides to take revenge.

From this point on the violence and threat to his wife and remaining son escalates. Death Sentence is a very violent film, which I don't have a problem with, but maybe the exciting action sequences go a little too far towards the end of the film, becoming cartoonish and unrealistic. Director Wan adds some fun but fairly unsubtle nods to other movies, the most obvious being Taxi Driver, and I'm sure there's a taste of the Blade Runner cat and mouse building chase and a big dose of John Woo in the final scene set in the chapel of an abandoned mental hospital.

Kevin Bacon gives a good performance, such that it blows away Charles Bronson's character in the original Death Wish. There's one unfortunate, overly sentimental, scene though where Nick (head bloodied and heavily bandaged) blubs his feelings to his comatose son (who can't hear him). It made me laugh and I don't think it was meant to. I don't think it was Kevin's acting that was at fault but rather a bad choice by the writer and director. There was no need for it. Sometimes less is more. Despite this brief blip I'd recommend Death Sentence for fans of violent revenge action flicks.

The Woodsman (2004) is a totally different viewing experience. Bacon plays a convicted paedophile, Walter, who is released after 12 years in prison and tries to settle back into society.

Walter moves into an apartment across the street from a school and is tormented by the temptation he sees outside his window. He gets a simple factory job and lives in fear of his past being discovered. He manages to form a relationship with fellow worker Vickie (Kyra Sedgwick) that provides some comfort, but can Walter cope with the shame and stress he feels or will he succumb to his distasteful desires and offend again?

A Detective (Mos Def) who is keeping tabs on him thinks the latter, however Vickie believes that Walter has the strength within to lead a normal life. One day Walter follows a young schoolgirl to local park and starts to talk to her...

Given the subject matter, it must have been hard to get this movie made. It was a brave move by Bacon to take on the role of a child molester, but it pays off. His performance is riveting. Such is the intensity and sensitivity that you feel both sympathy and abhorrence towards his character. The Woodsman is at times uncomfortable to watch. It is a challenging but ultimately rewarding experience.

No Laughing Matter

Fruit of the Vine

Want to read something really, er... creepy? OK, check out Scott Smith's excellent 'The Ruins'.

The Ruins is a story about a group of students who are on holiday in Cancun. They decide to take a break from the lazy hours on the beach and visit an archaeological dig in the jungle. Local Mayan Indians try and deter them from going, but the tourists continue on up to the mysterious ruins unaware of the terror and hell that awaits...
It's Smith's second novel. His first bestseller, the quite brilliant 'A Simple Plan', was published 13 years previously! Hopefully we won't have to wait so long until the next one.

The Ruins is a cracking read, full of tension and dread. Pepper the story with gross-out body horror scenes that David Cronenberg might approve of and you have a book that's hard to put down. Cleverly, the book has no chapters, so when you are reading there's no place to take a natural break and you have to keep on to the next harrowing moment, and then the next...

To quote Stephen King: 'does for Mexican vacations what Jaws did for New England beaches in 1975'. The Ruins website

Now, not long after I finished the book I discovered that it was being made into a film, due for release in April. My initial thought about this was 'oh dear, this could just be another trashy bunch of kids in peril movie' - I hope this isn't the case and it turns out to be better than the teen horror genre norm. The good news is that Scott Smith has written the screenplay; He received an Oscar nomination for his film adaptation of A Simple Plan, so this is a good sign for his vine infested Ruins... Just watching the trailer though I can see a fairly major character change from the book to the film - I can't imagine why this was necessary, fingers crossed that it works.

Another Machine Gun Stump Movie!

Kawaii. Thanks to 'Road' for pointing my mouse in the direction of this trailer for The Machine Girl, a Japanese Schoolgirl revenge flick that is due to be released sometime in 2008. It looks like it's makers certainly know the right exploitation film buttons to press as it features Yakuzas! Ninjas! Gushing Blood! Chainsaws! A Drill Bra! And a Schoolgirl heroine sporting a massive 'Gatling' gun on her amputated arm stump! Yey, she might make Bruce Campbell (Evil Dead) and Rose McGowan (Planet Terror) very proud.

Warning: Don't watch if you are easily offended by gory fake violence...


Nice, but can the finished film live up to this bonkers trailer? I doubt it, but I'm looking forward to finding out.

It's making you a prisoner

It might take a few years but one day there be a nice widescreen DVD out there of Colossus: The Forbin Project (1970). I love that movie! How can I describe how great it is? Probably not very well, so let me leave it to an expert - the ever enthusiastic John Landis...

A growing collection of cool trailers for great (and not so great) films can be found over at Trailers From Hell. What makes this collection special is that, with each trailer, you can listen to an entertaining and insightful commentary from a talented genre filmmaker, such as Joe Dante, Larry Cohen and the aforementioned John Landis. Hey, relative newbie Edgar Wright is there too!

Heaven Help Us All

So what's your favourite film about Old Nick, Beelzebub, Satan... The Devil? Is it Rosemary's Baby, The Omen, The Devil Rides Out, Prince Of Darkness or even Exorcist II? - Films that can strike terror deep into the heart of any God fearing or, more correctly, Devil fearing man.

Personally, as creepy as they are, none of the above gave me the willies as much as when I first saw THE DEVIL'S RAIN (1975) - a film I've not watched for years. I was young and impressionable back then and a lot less cynical. The Devil's Rain left its mark on me with its outrageous climax. It's one of those memorable old films that I'd love to see again, however I'm nervous at the prospect - not because I'd find the film too scary to watch but because I might end up discovering that the film is not as great as I remember it to be.

One day I'll track down a DVD of The Devil's Rain. I'm sure it will come across as a load of old low budget codswallop, but hey it's got William Shatner and Ernest Borgnine in it, plus real life Satanist Anton LaVey who is not only a technical advisor for the film but also plays himself - The High Priest Of The Church of Satan! What's not to like?

Here's the terrific trailer - it shows you pretty much all the the film's juicy bits! 'A melting Hell on Earth'. 'Heaven help us all when the Devil's Rain' (ouch!). Great stuff!

Roller Skating Child

Whilst in New York I took a look to see if there was anything worth catching on (or off) Broadway. To my pleasant surprise I saw an advert for a stage musical version of Xanadu! Yes, that awful ONJ roller disco movie... whose only saving grace was its brilliant soundtrack. This deliberately cheesy and funny revamp has been getting rave reviews. If I'd had more time I would have tried to get a ticket. Hey, wait a minute didn't I suggest back in December 2005 that Xanadu should be turned into a stage musical? Yes I did!


Another show that sounds like it'll be worth seeing is Mel Brooks' musical version of his classic movie Young Frankenstein! It's currently previewing. Something to remember to look out for the next time I'm in the Big Apple. "It's Alive... It's Alive!"

More Human Than Human

New York, NY. My favourite movie of all time has just got better.

Last night I went to see Blade Runner - The Final Cut, now showing in a limited engagement at the lovely old Ziegfield movie theatre on 54th street. With this new fantastic restored digital 'print' the film looks and sounds better now than it did when I first saw the original version, at a Starburst magazine preview, in London a ¼ of a century ago. It's a thing of beauty, an amazing work of art from director Ridley Scott.

Blade Runner's most obvious technical flaws have been fixed in this new 'Final Cut' - including reshooting the scene of Zhora's death, which used to feature a stunt double that looked nothing like actress Joanna Cassidy, and the scene where the white dove flies off into the (now dark) sky.

All nicely done, but I noticed something annoying - a 'George Lucas-like' revision of dialogue has snuck in when Replicant Roy Batty meets his maker Tyrell. I'm not sure if the 'I want life' line was changed in this cut or the previous 'Director's cut' but it no longer has the same impact that it used to have in the original theatrical cut. This is minor quibble that can be forgiven due to the tremendous restoration of the film as a whole.

If you get a chance then you really should try and catch this 'Final Cut' on the big screen rather than wait for its forthcoming DVD release.

The Streets of

Philadelphia, PA.

Yesterday... After a brief visit to the Natural Sciences museum to view a few dinosaur bones, I decided to see how far I could get from the city center walking out along the Schuylkill River through Fairmount Park. After about two miles I began to wilt in the 85 degrees F (in the shade) heat. Phew, what a scorcher!


I'm sure that if I'd continued further then eventually I would have escaped the sound of the nearby freeway that follows the river from the heart of the city. It was a hot and noisy experience, oh for some shade and the peace and quiet of nature.


In the evening I went to see the new David Cronenberg movie, Eastern Promises. Cronenberg delivers this London based Russian mafia drama with a matter of factness, a detached non-flashy style. The London portrayed in the film is pretty grim and could easily be mistaken for old Soviet Eastern Europe. Initially I found the accents funny to listen to, including that of Naomi Watt's English nurse, but as you are drawn into the seedy gangster world you soon get used to them. Viggo Mortenson is great as the Russian gang's driver/Mr Fixit; Want to dispose of a body? He's your man. Viggo, as intense as ever, sure shows some acting balls in this role! I don't think I'll be visiting a Finsbury Bath House anytime soon! Eastern Promises is a good film but are all Russians really as nuts as this?

Today I'm chilling out in a Java Café off of South Street. Dudes sit here all day, taking advantage of the Café's free web access. They are coding their websites whilst slurping iced coffee. Not a bad way to work. No office rental either.

Tonight it's Magic tour show #2. I'm not expecting any changes from the 1st show but it'll be a blast.
______

Update #1: I forgot to mention that it's Larry Fine's birthday today. This evening, to mark the occasion, I stuffed myself with a delicious 'Three Stooges' burger at the restaurant that now stands on the his site of birth.

Update #2: Concert review

Staying behind after class

Apologies reader for my lack of recent posts. I've been in detention for the past week, unable to get out and about or even sit down at this PC for long. The cause? A painful hip joint or nerve or something... Anyroadup, I'm propped up by a pillow now and I feel a duty to type on regardless.

One of the benefits of having to lie down on my couch everyday has been the ability to watch ITV's Loose Women at lunchtime, followed by live coverage on BBC 2 of the Women's World Cup in China. All very enjoyable. As a result I've become more in touch with my feminine side, and eaten too much chocolate in the process!

Another recent treat has been watching St. Trinian's on DVD. 'So what?' I hear you think. Well I believe I was the only person on the entire planet (and therefore the whole universe?) that sat through all four St. Trinian's films over the weekend:

The Belles of St Trinian's (1954)
Blue Murder at St Trinian's (1957)
The Pure Hell of St Trinian's (1960)
The Great St Trinian's Train Robbery (1966)

These classic British comedies about public schoolgirls running riot have aged well. I found that, despite having already seen them several times before in my yoof, they are still very entertaining.

Now that I'm older, I can properly appreciate all of the great old comic actors that appear on screen: Alastair Simm (Headmistress Fritton/Clarence Fritton), Joyce Grenfell (Policewoman Ruby Gates) and George Cole (Flash Harry) are of course in the most memorable roles, but let's not forget some of the good supporting cast members in the series like Beryl Reid, Terry Thomas, Sid James, Terry Scott, Frankie Howerd, Lionel Jefferies, Dora Bryan, Reg Varney, Irene Handel and... Arthur Mullard!

Oh and I've not even mentioned the girls yet! Those sexy 6th formers dressed in tights and suspenders, drinking booze and smoking! And the charming little 4th and 5th formers who, when not down at bookies with Flash Harry, would be throwing tomatoes at policemen, whacking dodgy Europeans or Arabs (trying to enslave the 6th formers) with their hockey sticks, or burning down their school (again).

So there you have it, I wached all of the St Trinian's films in one weekend. Well no, actually that's a bit misleading - apparently there's another one... A secret correspondent has informed me of a disastrous attempt in 1980 to try to update and revive the series with Wildcats of St. Trinian's. This same correspondent's only recommendation of the film to me is that it's supposedly 'got tits in it'. Er, yes, but that just sounds really sad, and obviously not in the spirit of the comic strip the original film was inspired by. I've not seen the dubious 'Wildcats' and hope I never will.

More sad news!!! A new St. Trinian's film is currently in production (sigh). Why on earth are they bothering? The first four films have funny scripts, wonderful performances and are now coated in a golden wave of British comedy nostalgia. We just don't need any more St. Trinian's films. The new one is apparently going to 'star' Rupert Everett and Girls Aloud! Oh God, it sounds like it's going be as shit as that sorry attempt to revive the Carry On series - Carry On Columbus. Noooooo! Arrgh me hip! I'd better lie down.

Chan-o-meter

I've just got back from seeing Rush Hour 3. I know, I know, every review says it's rubbish and that it should be avoided, but when you're a Jackie Chan fan what can you do? - You have got to go and see it.

Yeah, yeah, Jackie's getting on a bit for an action hero these days and motormouth Chris Tucker's character can be annoying to the nth degree. Sure, I know all that... but it's a Jackie Chan film!

So without expecting too much I sat in my local popcorn pit and watched the film unreel. Plot? Our heroes Carter (Tucker) and Lee (Chan) go to Paris and fight some triad henchmen, Jackie's got a Japanese 'brother', the women are beautiful and the jokes are crude - that's it. Wise cracks + slapstick + fights (repeat 5 times).

Occasionally the old Chan/Tucker comedy chemistry is present but mostly it seems a bit forced and Tucker is often too irritating for words. In the film's favour however the action sequences are better than I was expecting; Chan is still pretty nimble, Youki Kudoh is great as a knife throwing assassin and the climax at the top of the Eiffel tower is quite good. Oh, and as and nostalgic bonus there's a sequence where Carter and Lee get chased by a group of bad guys on motor bikes - which felt like a throw back to several Hong Kong films from the early eighties.

To conclude, Rush Hour 3 is not a great film. No surprise there. It's a quick cash-in, the third in the franchise and it offers nothing new. Was it worth the trip to the cinema? For me, as a fan of JC and the first film, I'd say 'yes'. I'm glad I saw it. Despite all of its shortcomings it was still pretty entertaining. Just go see it with low expectations, ignore the absurdities and you just might enjoy it.

So where does Rush Hour 3 sit in the pantheon of Jackie Chan films? I've fed my thoughts into the Chan-o-meter (TM) and here is the result...

[Click on chart to enlarge]

In the blessed name of Elvis

I once swore that I was never going to go near Elvis again, but there he was in Newquay last month, singing to me in an amusement arcade. I just couldn't resist the lure of the lights and music. As a result I must have lost at least £100 to the king of fruit machines over my 5 night stay. 'Thang you very much'.

I was reminded of this because tonight is of course the 30th anniversary of the alleged death of the real Elvis Aaron Presley. To commemorate the occasion I shall start by doing a few karate moves in front of the TV and then I'll re-watch Bubba Ho-Tep - with a commentary track by The King himself. 'Ahuh huh'

Croc Rock

Now everyone should know that there are only two good Alligator/Crocodile films - the classic Alligator (1980) and the witty Lake Placid (1999). I love them both. They are entertaining and funny, providing suspense, gore and er.. snappy dialogue! Sadly though there's also Alligator 2: The Mutation (1991) which was pretty ropey and Tobe Hooper's Crocodile (2000) - a big fat floating turd.

So, the past has seen a real mixed bag of these cold-blooded monster movies, the best of them never managing to capture the public's imagination in the way that Shark movies have; Jaws, Deep Blue Sea and Open Water all took a big chunk of box office and DVD sales. However, now I think something else is stirring in the water... 2007 could be the year in which the Crocs bite back!

You know how it is, you can wait ages for an Australian rogue Crocodile movie and then two come along at once: There's Black Water (which makes an appearance next week at FrightFest) and Rogue (from the director of Wolf Creek). Both look very promising and appear to feature sharp-toothed creatures that could have provided the late Steve Irwin with a real challenge.

I hope that Black Water and Rogue will prove to be exciting and also sufficiently different from each other - it will be great if both aren't simply about a group of people getting isolated in a swamp and then being eaten one by one. You just know that they won't be able to get any reception on their mobile phones! We'll see (in a while).

From the BBC today: Rancher escapes Crocodiles!

Gotta love those Aussies and all their dangerous wild animals. Crocodiles rock!

It's like looking in a mirror

simpsonize me

Feeling a little sheepish?

Following the sad news about the passing of One Man and His Dog presenter Phil Drabble, it looks like the Sheep are now fighting back...


Black Sheep is the opening film at this year's London FrightFest on August 23rd.