Careful... this plate is really hot

Coming soon, the makers of the outrageous Pervert! will be delivering their latest payload...

Sex Galaxy - the world's first ever Green movie.


Film Threat Review - Prepare for blast off!

Fight the flab

I woke up this morning and took a long look in the mirror... boy, am I out of shape; Apart from the occasional short jog I'm getting no exercise at all. I've been spending way too much time lounging around watching Big Brother on TV.

Shocked by the reflection of flabbiness that confronted me, I decided I'd get myself an exercise video to help trim my waistline a little - turn my bread bin stomach into a nice washboard. But which video should I buy?

It's all so confusing - all those different 'celebrities' in leotards.. should I choose Jane Fonda, Jade Goody, Anthea Turner, Davina, Lorraine Kelly, Mr Motivator or Venessa Feltz? A good East End workout with Patsy Palmer sounds like it might be fun? Right... Pilates, Boxercise or Aerobicide? Phew, I just get worn out thinking about it!

Hold on a second, I've already got a fitness video I can use. Let's see, clear a space on the floor in front of the TV, put this VHS tape in and let's go...

Yes, it's B-Movie Scream Queen Linnea Quigley!


'First of all, it's important to wear comfortable clothes when you exercise. A metal studded bra and fishnet stockings may not be your first choice... but face it, would you want to watch me workout in a baggy sweatsuit?'


A few simple stretches to start...


And now it's getting much harder.

And relax.

See the lovely Linnea perform the Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws in the classic trash movie Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers

Perversion for profit

Let me say that I've become a little concerned that my last post might be seen, in some way, as promoting smut and sexual deviation. To try and redress the balance here is a link to a thought provoking anti-pornography film from 1966... Perversion for profit

Sex! Death! Freedom!

It's pervert week on Get On the Beam. Always keeping you abreast of the news...


Finally, after a long trip around the late night film festival circuit, Pervert! (2005) has made it out on DVD. Made as an homage to the late Russ Meyer's sexploitation flicks of the '70s, can it succeed and become the 'modern cult classic' it claims to be? I shall have to investigate. Over the top comedic violence and big breasted women wobbling all over the screen, what's not to like?

Pervert! may have its knockers but it has also picked up some good reviews over at Film Threat and DVD Talk.

Pervert! Official Movie Website

Trap Them And Kill Them

I was feeling a bit peckish last night so I decided to take another bite at a DVD that previously I'd only nibbled upon. Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals (1977) (aka 'Trap Them And Kill Them').

So what is it all about then? The title provides a big clue! Directed by Joe D'Amato, Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals is an old Italian exploitation flick, designed to cash in on the international success of soft porn hit Emmanuelle and the trend at the time for savage jungle movies. Aiming at attracting fans of sex, adventure and horror films, it probably offended more people than it entertained.

Beautiful reporter Emanuelle, played by Laura Gemser, seeks out the last existing Cannibal tribe. What we get as the viewer is a fairly slow moving hour and a half that features sex, nob lopping, disembowelments, intestine munching and a chimpanzee smoking a cigarette! Sounds good right? Well not quite. The sex is pretty boring, the acting is wooden and the English dubbing is bad. On the plus side however the Cannibals are pretty convincing; full credit to the Amazon Indian locals who seemed happy to chew on animal guts (pig intestines?) for what must have been little pay. The outrageous gore effects aren't bad either. Today most of them look obviously fake but they might still shock the uninitiated or casual horror viewer. Back in the 80's the extreme grue and violence earned the film 'video nasty' status in the UK. It was all new then and on the grainy bootleg VHS tapes that circulated amongst horror fans it must have looked sickeningly realistic. Even now the UK version of the DVD has 1 minute 58 seconds cut for scenes of violence against women. Apparently it's OK to castrate and gut men in movies. I wonder if the Chimpanzee is still allowed to smoke?

So there you have it. Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals is a sleazefest for the curious. As Cannibal movies go it doesn't reach the (dubious) standards of Jungle Holocaust or Cannibal Holocaust.

In 1977 Joe D'Amato also made the vile Emanuelle In America. The storyline is similar with intrepid reporter Emanuelle going in search of Snuff film makers. It really is a sick piece of work that has no redeeming features at all. I wouldn't recommend Emanuelle In America to anyone unless they really want to be put off their food.

"Behold The Buxotics"

Guilty Pleasures #1

I've just watched Russ Meyer's Mondo Topless for the first time in what must be close to 20 years.

After making a series of story driven films culminating with Faster Pussycat Kill Kill, Russ knocked out this quickie 1966 expose of the new 'Topless' craze that was 'sweeping the country'. It made a ton of money. Although little more than shots of large breasted Go-Go Girls gyrating madly whilst doing the Watusi, it was hilarious and over the years it has become a cult hit.


Strangely, what I find most appealing about the film today is quite different to what I caught my attention as a younger man. The narration is a laugh riot. In the introductory San Francisco travelogue sequence, cable cars are described as being "death defying and rampaging up hill and vale, digesting and disgorging humanity at will"!

There are lots of neat transistor radios and tape machines playing throughout the 61 minute run time. They blast out the cool 60's rock and roll surf guitar music that the girls groove to. Add to this some sweet comments from the dancers and the kitsch factor heads for the stratosphere.

I remember that my younger self was entranced by the hypnotic effect of the wobbly chests on show. So what has happened over the years? Have I grown out of it or have I just become too old?